Fond memories of terrifying killer robots

Since its $242 million release, I've directed an outlandish amount of ire at James Cameron's space-cats extravaganza, Avatar. But I wasn't always, in the words of South Park, a cynical asshole that hated everything.

I'm sure that, on a subconscious level, part of my frustration is that in my younger years, I absolutely loved Cameron's work. I loved The Abyss, which is basically the same movie asAvatar, except there are characters instead of caricatures. I love the thrilling horror-adventure Aliens, even though it's a complete tonal departure from the superior original. But the most amazing Cameron film of them all, though, is without a doubt one of the greatest action movies ever made — Terminator 2.

In the summer of '91, T2 was everywhere. Posters for the movie were ubiquitous, and my Saturday morning cartoons were packed with ads for various Arnold-shaped toys: action figures, video games, playsets where you could mold "flesh" onto a hellish endoskeleton. The movie looked incredible. "Hasta la vista, baby" was on the tip of pop culture's tongue. I was certain I was the only person on the planet who didn't see it, and that by all accounts, it was the greatest thing to strike the silver screen since the creation of celluloid.

But for a long time, my parents were fairly strict about the amount of television and types of movies I was allowed to see. Even The Simpsons was verboten. So an ultra-violent epic about time-travelling robots that shoot and stab scores of innocent bystanders, all in the interest of either preventing or ensuring a horrifically-depicted nuclear apocalypse, would probably not get past my parental censors.

So I did what any kid would do. I saw it on VHS at my cousin's house.

Terminator 2 was a smash hit when it was released twenty years ago, and rightfully so. It works as a standalone film — I didn't see the original until the late 90s — and it blends exhilarating action sequences with a fascinating backstory (see: time traveling killer robots) that is flush with Cameron's wry sense of humor and his typical moral takeaways of the importance of humanity. As an adult, I'm still thrilled by the chases and shoot-outs, impressed by the restrained use of nearly-seamless CGI, and am amazed that I don't groan cynically when Sarah Connor tells us that if "a machine, a terminator, can learn the value of a human life, maybe we can, too."

The message works — and, in turn, elevates the entire movie, because it is not a tacked-on sentiment. The value of human life is a theme that plays from the very first frames, when a typical hot day in LA is transformed into the skeleton-littered battlefield of tomorrow.

Sarah Connor knows it's coming, what's at stake, and that any collateral damage before August 29th, 1997 wouldn't be a big deal after the entire world was turned to ash and twisted rebar. The source of her transformation to a restrained optimist by the film's end (aside from the obvious thrill of averting future catastrophe) is that a machine identical to the one sent to kill her in the first movie (except this one has eyebrows) is taught by a boy that killing is wrong. It's incredibly basic, but as John Connor teaches the machine grade-school lessons in humanity, Terminator 2 is elevated from an action horror flick to a sci-fi morality play.

On paper, the themes wouldn't impress a high school civics teacher. In the context of the storyworld, though, it's plausible. Even killer robots can learn empathy. It's something that a nine-year-old kid would find heart-achingly poignant.

When I was nine, it was heart-achingly poignant. I thought the film was an extraordinary feat — overwhelmingly exciting and thought-provoking without being (too) hokey. And I loved James Cameron for being able to do that in just over two hours with a directorial deftness that continues to impress me to this day.

Cameron never again captured my imagination the way he did with Terminator 2. In 1994, he taught us that Bill Paxton is a scumbag and Harrier jets exist; in 1997, he proved women love Leonardo DiCaprio. In late 2009, he showed us people will sit through anything so long as it's packaged well.

When I was a child, I was sad to see the terminator disappear in the vat, because it meant John Connor was losing the best chance he had for a stable father figure.

Now, when I see that thumb light on fire and slip below the surface, and the CPU shutting off for the last time, it reminds me of the last time I unconditionally loved the narrative work of James Cameron.

This piece was originally written as a part of the excellent 90's Nostalgia Series at The Junior Varsity, and was carefully edited by my dear friend Mike Placito.

"SCOTT PILGRIM": A COOL MOVIE MY MOM DIDN'T WANT ME TO SEE

Editor's note: I saw the film Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World and enjoyed it, but I wasn't blown away, as I mentioned in my comments as a part of the excellent series running at The Junior Varsity. I don't deny it has a very strong visual aesthetic, and I quite enjoy the work of director Edgar Wright, but I was a little ambivalent. I figured I might be too old to be in the target audience, so I arranged for my intrepid 9-year-old junior reporter Spencer to see the movie without his mother's knowledge. His unedited words are below. Enjoy.

SO I SAW SOME OF THE TRAILERS FOR SCOTT PILGRIM AND I WAS LIKE, WOW THAT LOOKS LIKE A REALLY COOL MOVIE BECAUSE IT LOOKED LIKE A VIDEO GAME AND JAPANAMATION AND I WANTED TO SEE IT BUT I WAS PRETTY SURE MY MOM WOULDN'T WANT ME TO SEE IT BECAUSE OF THE VIOLENCE AND FIGHTING AND ROCK MUSIC AND GUESS WHAT I WAS RIGHT. WHEN JOE CALLED AND SAID HE WOULD GIVE ME SOME MONEY TO SEE IT AND CALL THE THEATER TO PRETEND TO BE MY DAD SO I COULD SEE IT I WAS LIKE WOW I REALLY WANTED TO SEE IT SO PLEASE LET ME SEE IT AND HE SAID OKAY.

I WENT TO GO SEE IT ON A MONDAY NIGHT SO THERE WEREN'T ALOTS OF PEOPLE IN THE THEATER THERE WAS SOME HIGH SCHOOL KIDS IN FRONT OF ME ONE GUY AND LIKE FIVE GIRLS AND I WAS LIKE I HOPE I'M THAT COOL WHEN I GET TO BE IN HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE HE HAS IT ALL FIGURED OUT. HE WAS SITTING AT THE END AND WAS WEARING A BEANIE AND BLAKC MUSCLE SHIRT AND FINGERLESS GLOVES AND HAD HIS ARM AROUND ONE OF THE GIRLS I THINK MAYBE I SHOULD GET CLOTHINGS LIKE THAT BECAUSE HE MADE IT WORK FOR HIM.

SO ANYWAYS THE MOVIE STARTED AND I LIKED IT FROM THE VERY BEGINNING THE UNIVERSAL LOGO WAS LIKE A REALLY OLD VIDEOGAME JOE SAID IT WAS PROBABLY SUPPOSED TO BE A SEGA GENESIS HE SAID THOSE COST ALMOST AS MUCH AS A PLAY STATION DOES TODAY AND I LAUGHED ALOT AND SAID OLD PEOPLE WERE STUPID TO PAY SO MUCH MONEY FOR THOSE I HEARD JOE SIGH.

AFTER THE UNIVERSAL LOGO THE MOVIE ACTUALLY STARTED IT WAS ABOUT SCOTT PILGRIM WHO PLAYS IN A BAND HE DOESN'T HAVE A JOB THOUGH SO HE'S KIND OF A LOSER AND POOR BUT HE JUST STARTED DATING THIS GIRL KNIVES WHO IS GOOD AT DDR FIGHTING GAMES AND BEING CHINESE. SHE SEEMS REALLY COOL AND SCOTT SEEMS TO LIKE HER BUT THEN HE DREAMS ABOUT RAMONA AND MEETS RAMONA AND HE WANTS TO DATE RAMONA AND EVERYONE TELLS HIM HE SHOULD BREAK UP WITH KNIVES FIRST BUT HE PUTS IT OFF UNTIL AFTER HE HAS A DATE WITH RAMONA AND THEY MADE KISSY IN UNDERWEAR AND IT WAS SO AWESOME I HOPE I HAVE DATES LIKE THAT SOMEDAY.

SO ANYWAYS RAMONA HAS EVIL EX-BOYFRIENDS THAT SCOTT HAS TO FIGHT AND KILL IF HE WANTS TO DO MORE UNDERWEAR DATES WITH RAMONA AND THE REST OF THE MOVIE IS HIM FIGHTING EX-BOYFRIENDS AND ONE EXGIRLFRIEND (WHAT?) AND THEN AT THE END HE FINALLY GETS TO DATE RAMONA MORE. JOE WANTED TO KNOW IF I THOUGHT THE COMBINATION OF WINNINGS WITH FIGHTING AND SOMETIMES BEING SMARTER THAN THE EX WAS SOMETHING I LIKED OR DIDN'T LIKE BUT I LIKED ALL THE FIGHTS BECAUSE THERE WAS ALWAYS SOME KUGFU ACTION AND COLORS FLASHING SO IT DIDN'T REALLY BOTHER ME I GUESS.

I ALSO LIKED HOW SOMETIMES IT WOULD SEEM LIKE THEY WERE TALKING IN THE SAME PLACE THEY STARTED TALKING BUT THEN THEY WERE SOMEWHERE ELSE STILL TALKING ABOUT THE SAME THINGS THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS IS CALLED EDITING AND I LIKED IT BECAUSE IT WAS A SURPRISE. THERE WERE LOTS OF THINGS I NOTICED REALLY SMALL LIKE A SIGN WITH A FLICKERING LETTER SO IT SAID FIGHT IN A BACKGROUND OR HOW FUZZY STREETLIGHTS OUTSIDE LOOKED LIKE HEARTS WHILE SCOTT AND RAMONA WERE ON THE BUS I'LL BET I DIDN'T SEE ALL OF THEM.

SO ANYWAYS JOE ASKED ME A BUNCH MORE OF QUESTIONS ABOUT STUFF I LIKED AND DIDN'T LIKE AND I WAS LIKE YOU THINK ABOUT MOVIES TOO MUCH IT WAS REALLY COOL JUST ENJOY IT BUT ANYWAYS HERES SOME STUFF WE TALKED ABOUT. JOE WANTED TO KNOW IF I THOUGHT MICHAEL SERA WAS PLAYING THE SAME ROLE AND I WAS LIKE WHO IS MICHAEL SERA AND HE PLAYED SCOTT SO I SAID I LIKED HIM BECAUSE HE WAS FUNNY AND COOL. JOE SAID HE WAS IN YOUTH IN REVOLT AND I HADN'T HEARD OF IT AND PAPER HEART AND I HADN'T HEARD OF IT AND NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST AND I HADN'T HEARD OF IT. HE WAS IN JUNO THAT MY MOM WOULDN'T LET ME SEE BECAUSE IT GLORIFIED TEEN SEX AND IN SUPERBAD THAT MY MOM WOULDN'T LET ME SEE BECAUSE IT GLORIFIED TEEN SEX AND TEEN DRINKING AND ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT THAT MY MOM WOULDNT LET ME SEE BECAUSE IT GLORIFIED BEING SASSY. ALSO YEAR ONE.

HE ASKED ABOUT THE REST OF THE CAST AND LISTED OFF A BUNCH OF NAMES KEERUN CULKIN AS WALLACE WITH THE BOYFRIENDS AND MARK WEBBER AS STEPHEN FROM THE BAND AND ANNA KENDRICK AS STACEY THE SISTER AND AUBREY PLAZA AS JULIE WITH THE BLEEPS AND ALISON PILL AS KIM ON DRUMS AND MARY ELIZABETH WINSTEAD AS RAMONA WITH THE HAIR AND JOHNNY SIMMONS AS YOUNG NEIL ALSO ON BASS AND ELLEN WONG AS KNIVES AND CUTE AND JASON SCHWARTZMAN AS GIDEON THE BAD GUY AND I THOUGHT EVERYONE WAS REALLY GOOD. THERE WERE MORE NAMES HE SAID BUT I STOPPED PAYING ATTENTION.

I LIKED ALL THE MUSIC A LOT AND PLAYING AND HOW KIM COUNTED THEM OFF ONE TWO THREE FOUR ALL THE TIME THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE PUNK BANDS FROM THE 80S AND 90S BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THEM BECAUSE GUESS WHAT MY MOM DOESN'T LET ME LISTEN TO PUNK. JOE SAID THERE WAS STUFF THAT REFERENCED OTHER EDGAR WRIGHT MOVIES AND MATRIX TWO AND THE POWER UP REDO WAS LIKE RUN LOLA RUN BUT I DIDN'T SEE THOSE SO WHATEVER I STILL LIKED EVERYTHING PRETTY GOOD.

SO ANYWAYS I REALLY LIKED SCOTT PILGRIM AND IT WAS FUNNY AND REALLY COOL TO LOOK AT AND I LIKED ALL THE MUSIC AND FIGHTS WITH PEOPLE BURSTING INTO COINS AND STUFF AND SOUNDS SPELLED WITH LETTERS AND IT WAS LIKE WATCHING A REALLY AWESOME COMIC BOOK. I WAS SUPPOSED TO RATE IT FROM ONE TO FIVE SO I WOULD TOTALLY GIVE IT FIVE BECAUSE IT WAS SUPER AWESOME AND I LIKE MOVIES THAT WERE AWESOME. I WANT TO BE COOL LIKE SCOTT AND THAT GUY WITH THE FINGERLESS GLOVES AND PLAY THE BASS NOW BECAUSE SCOTT PILGRIM TAUGHT ME THE BASS IS THE COOLEST INSTRUMENT IN THE BAND.

IF YOU LIKE MOVIES THAT MAKE YOU LAUGH AND HAVE ACTION STUFF AND LOOK NEAT ALL THE TIME YOU SHOULD SEE SCOTT PILGRIM BECAUSE IT WAS COOL AND IT TEACHES YOU SOMETIMES YOUR BIGGEST ENEMY IS YOURSELF AND YOU CAN BEAT IT BY GOING TO LUNCH SO UNTIL NEXT TIME THANKS FOR READING MY REVIEW THIS IS SPENCER BYE.

"Point Break": Patrick Swayze and one last surf

We lost a Hollywood icon yesterday when Patrick Swayze took his last big wave after a protracted bout with pancreatic cancer. Reflecting on the long career of an actor I commonly and inexplicably confuse with Richard Gere, I couldn't help but go back to one of Swayze's cult hits that I hadn't seen until only a few months ago. After being completely blown away (no pun intended, actually) by Kathryn Bigelow's sleeper hit "The Hurt Locker", I finally felt compelled to sit down with a DVD I'd owned for years but never watched: Bigelow's inexplicably enjoyable surfer-bank-robber thriller, 1991's "Point Break".

Keanu Reeves' most impressive acting credit to date was as Ted, one of the Rhodes-scholar time travelers in "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure". As Johnny Utah, an FBI agent teamed up with Gary Busey in order to take down a ring of surfing bank robbers in LA, Reeves channels his inner Ted and turns in, especially in the second half of "Point Break", one of the worst screen performances I've seen since watching a full three minutes of "Gigli". Reeves furrows his brows like nobody's business, and delivers his lines with the gravitas of Christian Bale's Batman were Batman a regular on the cover of High Times.

Swayze plays Bodhi, a charismatic surfer that takes an undercover Reeves under his wing, and, obviously, ends up being the ring leader of the bank-robbing gang under investigation. Of course, before Reeves finds out, a budding bromance blooms. When Reeves has a chance to take Bodhi out, he, in the words of the fantastic comedy "Hot Fuzz", "just fires his gun up in the air and goes 'aahhhhh'".

The absurd melodrama and ridiculous premise aside, though, there is something inherently gripping about "Point Break". In one particular scene, when everyone has figured out who everyone else is, Swayze takes Reeves skydiving. Swayze tells Reeves he packed his chute for him, and over the next minute, the other robbers all pass around their chutes in what seems to be a deadly game of shells. This awesome scene is not on the internet. I call bullshit.

It's an action-vehicle that features not one, but two, skydiving scenes, a car/foot chase that's damned entertaining, a couple of great fire-fights, and Gary Busey being a silly fat bastard to John C McGinley's bureaucratic asshole. What really drives "Point Break", and perhaps why this film has had such staying power despite it's silliness, is Patrick Swayze's charm. You REALLY grow to love Bodhi, he's just so cool! It's a major bummer when it turns out he's the bad guy that needs to be taken down.

That's, in a way, how I'll feel about Swayze's legacy - his likability overpowering some of the duds of his relatively short career (do NOT try to convince me of the artistic merits of "Red Dawn" or "Road House"). In any case, "Point Break" is a guilty pleasure, like terrorizing Whoopi Goldberg after bringing sexy back to pottery. Here's to Swayze - good luck catching your Fifty Year Wave in the Sky.

TOO MUCH: Love interest side plot

COULD HAVE USED MORE: Busey being Busey

FILM SNOB NOTE: As mentioned earlier, "Point Break" was discussed in the buddy-cop spoof "Hot Fuzz". Towards the end of the movie, they take it one step further:

IHYFM RATING: THREE out of FIVE MEHS.

IF YOU SAID THIS WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE, I'D THINK: your taste is either ironic, or just bad.