Yes. I am aware Groundhog Day is in February, and New Year's Eve/Day spans December and January. No need to be a wise-ass here, unless we're talking about "2012".
There are important similarities between the two - both holidays are completely arbitrary, they are coupled with unbearable cold north of the Mason-Dixon, and depending what circles you roll with, they are great excuses for excessive drinking.
Groundhog Day follows Bill Murray as a cynical Pittsburgh weatherman who travels to Punxsutawney with new producer Andie MacDowell to cover the ceremony of Punxsutawney Phil looking for his shadow on February 2nd. Due to inclement weather, they have to spend the night in PuxPunksa the town, and when Bill wakes, it's once again February 2nd. It's not clear why this is happening, or for how long he'll continue to be trapped in the day-long loop. After going through a suicidal spell, a bout of depression, and exploring the material benefits to knowing the exact second when a bag of money will be left unattended, Murray makes it his mission to have the perfect day with MacDowell, as she may be everything he's ever wanted.
Herein lies the moral that made me think of Groundhog Day on the eve of New Year's Eve. Murray has seemingly unlimited chances to get every detail of his day with MacDowell right, from ordering her cocktail of choice to mastering jazz piano. It's a long road for Murray with multiple pitfalls. The most important one is in the following scene, when Murray is just going through the motions of what was, on previous evenings, a spontaneous and romantic rolling of a snowman.
New Year's is as good a time as any to catalog and reflect upon our recent successes and failings, but that reflection is meaningless without action. We have to learn from our shortcomings so we don't commit the same errors again (Murray eventually does), and likewise learn from our successes and make those right decisions again (Murray does this also). And, sometimes, as illustrated by a subplot with a homeless man, we must see that there are some things we simply cannot change. Regardless of the specifics of our own situation, we can't make the mistake Murray did on that one night with MacDowell and just go through the motions. To paraphrase the AA prayer, we must continually find the strength to change the things we can, accept the things we cannot, and seek the wisdom to know the difference. We don't get unlimited mulligans like Murray does, but luckily for us, life is more than two hours long.
Happy New Year, everyone. Here's hoping your next twelve months are filled with success, happiness, wisdom, and quality filmed entertainment.
TOO MUCH: The sequence of Murray perfecting his evening with MacDowell could have been trimmed, as could his "losing-his-mind" montage.
COULD HAVE USED MORE: Dare I say it, Chris Elliott as Murray's camerman could have had a few more quips.
FILM SNOB NOTE: Most of the film, which takes place in western Pennsylvania, was filmed in Woodstock, IL.
IHYFM RATING: THREE AND A HALF out of FIVE MEHS. It's about fifteen minutes too long, but still one of Harold Ramis' better comedies with a warm and fuzzy ending.
The internet is buzzing. The masses have spoken. According to the voting members of IMDB, James Cameron's return to the silver screen after a 12-year hiatus, Avatar (#21), is a better movie than Apocalypse Now (#36), Taxi Driver (#40), It's a Wonderful Life (#30), Sunset Blvd (#32), Lawrence of Arabia (#42), and Citizen Kane (#34).
The internet is filled with moronic addicts whose drug of choice is a bunch of tall slender blue women jumping around, making shit explode. Surprise, surprise: the masses are comprised of fucking idiots.
As I promised in my review of everything I had seen and still wanted to see from 2009, I begrudgingly packed my trusty Moleskine and a few cans of contraband soda into my jacket and braved a truly miserable Chicago afternoon to walk up to a ticket booth and say the phrase, "1 for 'Avatar', please".
I unwittingly timed my afternoon to attend a 3D screening, which even for a 3:20 showtime, cost me $14. Don't ever doubt I love my readers, folks.
As I found a seat in the back of the theater and donned my 3D glasses, adding me to the impromptu Rivers Cuomo lookalike convention, I reflected on everything I knew about "Avatar":
1. 20th Century Fox thought advertising a sci-fi action-adventure flick as "FROM THE DIRECTOR OF TITANIC" made sense.
2. Sam Worthington seems to be the go-to action movie hero of the moment, despite the fact his best acting trait seems to be "brood with strong jaw line".
3. I just paid $14 to watch what would happen if "Halo" and "FernGully" had a crack baby they beat mercilessly.
"Avatar" follows a paraplegic ex-Marine who travels to the planet Pandora to be a part of a private mining company. There's a very special mineral underneath Pandora's toxic atmosphere, "unobtainium", which, due to the protective native species of the Na'vi, is unobtainable. I hope you caught that subtlety, there.
Worthington's ex-Marine had a twin brother that was a pilot in the avatar program, which combines the DNA of a human and Na'vi into a remote-control humanoid. After his brother's untimely death, Worthington steps up to the plate to use the DNA-matched avatar, mainly so he can feel the sensation of running again. His mission is to gather information for the military contractors and try to embed himself with the natives, and see if he can convince them to allow their sacred lands to be mined.
The next two hours are essentially "Dances With Wolves" in space - Worthington falls in love with a tall blue lady (Zoe Saldana), and has a military-versus-science conflict straight out of "The Abyss" with Sigourney Weaver as Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. Giovanni Ribisi plays Paul Reiser's role from "Aliens" as a mining exec that doesn't care about overrunning the natives to get his unobtanium, and Stephen Lang plays the hot-headed jarhead from any of Cameron's movies that just wants to kill. Worthington predictably grows to appreciate the native culture and vows to fight for its preservation.
The plot is as thin as the movie is long and the Na'vi are blue. The beats are predictable, and a few cheap screenwriting plants pay off in a way that will fool your average filmgoer into thinking there is a story beyond "boy turns into blue boy, falls for blue girl, fights with blue people against mean greedy white people".
How crass of me to desire an actual story and some characters to go along with my computer-generated wizardry. Call me old-fashioned.
The real star and draw of Avatar, namely, the CGI, is impressive. Using an incredibly detailed system of motion capture, from the actor's bodies to the movements of their facial muscles, Cameron has created the most expressive animated characters ever put on film.
Aside from the details of the facial movements and morphing the actor's facial features into their digital characters (Sigourney Weaver's avatar is the most striking in this regard), the graphics do not seem so ground-breaking. It's a video-game movie, albeit a very-well rendered one, but had I not been bombarded by news stories about the revolutionary graphics at play, I honestly do not think I would have been able to tell the difference. It's not a far cry from what we've seen in the latest "Star Wars" movies, "300", "The Lord of The Rings" trilogy, or any other effects-heavy film we've seen in the past decade, the main difference is that there is just so much of it.
Unintentionally seeing the film in 3D, I must admit, was a treat. Even though the plot was next to non-existent and the graphics mostly looked slightly better than a PS3 title, the gimmick of three dimensions made the viewing experience interesting inasmuch it was different. I didn't notice at first, but I found that throughout the movie I was periodically taking my glasses off momentarily to determine whether the film would be as stimulating without them. Aside from the obvious issue of double-vision, the answer was "no": without the extra "wow" factor from seeing the CGI rendered in 3D, the film would have seemed like just another CGI-heavy picture.
Watching "Avatar" was the cinematic version of eating a can of cake frosting: there's some guilty pleasure to be derived, but no nutritional value.
TOO MUCH: dependence on the graphics; hype; placing the subtitles at weird depths just because they could with 3D
COULD HAVE USED MORE: character development, plot... you know, those things that make movies interesting
FILM SNOB NOTE: I realize I sound as though I'm contradicting myself when I praise the rendered facial expressions of the avatars and Na'vi but pan the overall effect of the graphics. This is because I was always aware I was looking at CGI. One of the best CGI movies of the past few years - "Zodiac". You didn't even know that entire scenes were shot blue screen, for example:
Yes, I get that a period piece police procedural is not the same as a sci-fi popcorn flick, but to paraphrase Peter Griffin on "The Godfather", the CGI in "Avatar" insisted on itself. That pissed me off, because there was basically nothing beyond the imaging. Did you notice how I couldn't really hone in on anything to talk about when reviewing this movie? That's a problem if you can't say anything about something you spent two and a half hours watching.
IHYFM RATING: TWO out of FIVE MEHS. The amount of CGI in the film and the lengths Cameron went to get it is impressive, but there's nothing compelling about the story. All that glitters is not gold.
IF YOU SAID THIS WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE, I'D THINK: Either you're being ironic, or you're just an idiot.
Holy shit, do people love reading lists at the end of each year. Top 10s are everywhere: top 10 movies, top 10 albums, top 10 Tiger Woods mistresses (zing! topical!). Lists not only help people waste time at work reminiscing on the past 12 months (an ultimately arbitrary measurement of time), but more importantly, they are fucking easy to write.
In the order they were released (not necessarily the order I saw them in), please enjoy a list of every new film of 2009 I saw.
Watchmen
RUNDOWN: The beautifully intricate and groundbreaking graphic novel is finally adapted for the silver screen 20 some years after various producers and directors began trying to make it a go. The film looks great, but overall lousy acting, directing, and slow pacing made the 2:40 run time drag. The change they made to the ending events was a good, logical touch. Jackie Earle Haley shines as Rorschach, Billy Crudup's digital blue penis simply shines.
VERDICT: Don't let the trailers fool you. Unless you really loved the graphic novel, this is a pass.
I Love You, Man
RUNDOWN: A favorite comedy lead of mine, Paul Rudd, stars as a non-guy's-guy who is in need of a buddy to be his best man, and gets wrapped up in a budding bromance with Jason Segel, a charming but puzzling man-child. A great cast led by Rudd and Segel, as well as Rashida Jones as Rudd's fiance, and Jon Favreau, Tom Lennon, Andy Samburg, Tom Lennon, and Rob Huebel among the many talented actors in supporting roles, can't keep a dull script afloat.
VERDICT: The cast and premise look awesome on paper. Sadly, it's pretty lackluster in execution.
Adventureland
RUNDOWN: If you saw the trailer like I did, you'd think this was a "Superbad"-esqe teen-sex comedy starring Jesse Eisenberg and Kristen "She Plays 'Bella'!" Stewart with lots of silly side shenanigans led by SNL players Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig. You would be wrong. "Adventureland" is a "Graduate"-esqe teen-sex dramedy where Hader and Wiig's shenanigans are few and far between. Eisenberg has to take up a job at a local amusement park when his funding for a post-collegiate European trip come up short. Sexy times with KStew almost happen over and over again, and there's some Velvet Underground. Martin Starr, Bill from "Freaks and Geeks", has a great supporting role that is essentially a college-age Bill, and Ryan Reynolds shows some serious acting chops as a philandering ride mechanic that all the naive teen girls think is a real Shaun Cassidy.
VERDICT: Although I felt it was seriously mis-marketed, it's a pretty good, albeit occasionally depressing, little picture.
"Observe and Report"
RUNDOWN: Seth Rogen plays a mall cop who's obsessed with his job and wants to be a cop, but is too imbalanced and stupid to be on the force. He tries to woo an always-funny Anna Faris and one-up cop nemesis Ray Liotta. The result is what you'd get if "Taxi Driver" were a comedy. A dark comedy.
VERDICT: It's grim and disturbing at times, but Jody Hill's dark comedy is pretty funny throughout. Anna Faris shines, and it's nice to see Seth Rogen branch out a bit from his usual shtick.
"X-Men Origins: Wolverine"
RUNDOWN: Did you not learn enough of Wolverine's back-story in the first two (superior) X-Men films? How about two hours of various mutants jumping around and indiscriminately breaking shit in a manner that makes "X-Men 3" look like "Citizen Kane" in comparison? The two minutes of Ryan Reynolds are the only enjoyable ones in the film because Reynolds seems to be in on the joke of how terrible the movie is. Liev Shreiber goes mutton chop to mutton chop with Hugh Jackman, who you can tell is just dying to bust out in a pirouette and belt a few chords from "GiGi".
VERDICT: Watch the first two movies again, curse the day Bryan Singer dropped the series to direct "Superman", and wonder who in the hell suggested Will i Am get into acting.
"Star Trek"
RUNDOWN: JJ Abrams reboots the original "Star Trek" saga with a cast of relative unknowns. Chris Pine takes over as Kirk and "Heroes" cast member Zachary Quinto fills the shoes of Spock, despite the fact he can't do the Vulcan hand salutation without the help of model airplane glue. The movie suggests an alternate universe to the original televised saga before the construction of the Enterprise and birth of most of her original crew, and effectively opens up the series for at least two sequels that Abrams is attached to. Eric Bana, Karl Urban, Zoe Saldana, Simon "Shaun of the Dead" Pegg and John "Harold" Cho help fill out the cast.
VERDICT: I was never a huge Star Trek guy, but this was hands-down the first really enjoyable popcorn movie of the year - great action, some good laughs, exciting battles - basically, everything that true Trek fans hate. Definitely worth a rental.
"Terminator Salvation"
RUNDOWN: Judgement Day happens, it's the future, and the war we spent three movies and an unfortunately short-lived television series trying to prevent is totally on. Christian Bale takes over the reigns of John Connor from the physically unimpressive Nick Stahl. Sam Worthington plays a death-row inmate who signs on to a Cyberdyne experiment before his last meal, and wakes up in a hellish future. A hellish future where McG is a decent action movie director, and a sequel to an iconic franchise went to the screen about three rewrites too early. Do you think Skynet will get John Connor this time around?
VERDICT: It wasn't quite as terrible as all the reviews made it out to be, but it could have been so much better, which is the real disappointment. I'll bet the Rottentomatoes score would have improved 10% if the Helena Bonham Carter subplot was taken out and we didn't learn about Worthington's past until he did. The best thing to come out of this movie was Bale's breakdown.
"Up"
RUNDOWN: Pixar has yet to swing and miss when it comes to making them moving talking pictures. "Up" is the story of an old man who looks to escape from a nursing home by making his home into an improvised zeppelin; in the process he fulfills childhood dreams of his and his departed wife, and makes a valuable friendship with a boy in need of a father figure.
VERDICT: It's one of the most moving pictures I've seen in a while - the wordless montage in the beginning of the movie chronicling the couples' aging gets me choked up every time. Ed Asner helps make the funny moments funnier with his cantankerous old-man speak that isn't much of an acting leap for him. Definitely worth the rental.
"Drag Me To Hell"
RUNDOWN: Alison Lohman messes with the wrong gypsy, gets herself cursed. Justin Long can't help. Commence horror spiced with silly comedy.
VERDICT: As I said in the IHYFM review, if you like movies in the vein of "Evil Dead", this is a must-see. Also, if a creepy gypsy asks you if she can have an extension on her mortgage, you say "yes, creepy gypsy lady".
"The Hangover"
RUNDOWN: A Vegas bachelor party where the least funny or recognizable guy goes missing (Justin Bartha), and buddies Ed Helms, Bradley Cooper, and Zach Galifianakis try to track him down before he's supposed to walk the aisle. Hilarity and one of Heather Graham's breasts ensues.
VERDICT: It's a decently funny comedy, but I was shocked at how overwhelmingly popular it was. IHYFM review here.
"Year One"
RUNDOWN: I saw this movie for free. One of my friends scored movie passes after complaining about some delightfully shitty service at a local theater, and we had to use the tickets within two weeks. This was the only thing we felt was remotely worth seeing, which is saying something. Jack Black and Michael Cera do their usual thing, except it's in biblical times. David Cross as Cain kills Paul Rudd as Abel with a rock. Hank Azaria makes a dick joke. McLovin does the McLovin.
VERDICT: Watch director Harold Ramis' bit when this is inevitably played on a loop on TBS as a lead-in to George Lopez, otherwise, pass.
"The Hurt Locker"
RUNDOWN: Jeremy Renner (the soldier from "28 Weeks Later") plays a daredevil demolitions expert in 2004 Baghdad. Director Kathryn Bigelow takes a script from Mark Boal, who was an embedded reporter with a bomb squad in Iraq, and crafts a harrowing war drama unlike most I've seen. Even though there are some leaps of logic (would a bomb squad have extensive sniper training?), this feels like the truest war movie in years. Nothing is predictable, the danger is constant, and for Renner, war is a drug.
VERDICT: If the Academy judged films solely on merit and not on Hollywood politics, this would be the hands-down front runner for Best Picture next February. A must-see.
"Public Enemies"
RUNDOWN: Johnny Depp plays John Dillinger and Christian Bale plays Melvin Purvis, the agent sent to Chicago to take him down. If the Michael Mann that directed "Heat" or "Collateral" had shown up to direct this true-life crime drama, we would have had a kickass thriller. Unfortunately, the Michael Mann that directed "Miami Vice" punched the time clock.
VERDICT: As awesome as it is to see Chicago renovated to look like it did back in the day, especially Lincoln north of Fullerton where Dillinger was killed outside the Biograph, this crime drama is about as exciting as going through Dillinger's sock drawer.
"Bruno"
RUNDOWN: It's "Borat" with a gay dude.
VERDICT: If you enjoyed the trailer or "The Ali G Show", you'll like the movie. More laughs per minute than "Borat". Not for the faint of heart. By which I mean there's a scene where Bruno's penis talks to you.
"In The Loop"
RUNDOWN: England and America are two countries separated by a common language, and gear up for World War III because they are both run by idiots.
VERDICT: The comedy that nobody in this country saw is a must-see. IHYFM review here.
"Funny People"
RUNDOWN: Seth Rogen is a struggling stand-up comic, Adam Sandler is a dying stand-up comic. Hilarity does not ensue when Sandler tries to woo a married former flame.
VERDICT: Remember how combining two movies made "The Dark Knight" awesome? The reverse happened with "Funny People". IHYFM review here.
"Thirst"
RUNDOWN: Yes, Virginia, there was a vampire movie that came out in 2009 that wasn't a flaming cinematic turd. "The Host" star Kang-ho Song plays a priest that survives a deadly virus that has odd side effects. He thirsts (get it?) for blood and sex with a dangerously free-spirited young woman.
VERDICT: This South Korean thriller is the most interesting in its third act, although it does take a while to get there. Not amazing, but if you're looking for something off the beaten horror path this isn't a bad way to go. "Oldboy" director Chan-wook Park will give you some good psychological creeps.
"District 9"
RUNDOWN: Apartheid, with aliens! Peter Jackson helped unknown director Neill Blomkamp get a feature film made after the "Halo" movie imploded. An evil corporation starts to muscle alien squatters out of their huts, and one of their employees becomes suddenly ill and embroiled in the alien struggle. Heads blow up.
RUNDOWN: Brad Pitt leads a squad of soldiers whose mission is to terrorize Nazi forces in France. Most of the film, however, follows Christoph Waltz as a SS Colonel hunting hiding Jews, and Melanie Laurent as one of the Jews that escaped Waltz's grasp.
VERDICT: Tarantino's anti-war-movie war movie was among the year's best, and one of Tarantino's best. Although it took me several weeks to fully digest it after the first viewing, I've really come to appreciate how Tarantino uses "Basterds" to criticize the notion that war movies are only good if they are true to life and feature long, extensive, gory battles. He proves that the human element is what makes any film truly interesting. That, and Brad Pitt talks in a silly southern drawl. That's fun. IHYFM review here.
"World's Greatest Dad"
RUNDOWN: Robin Williams is a teacher and aspiring writer who is constantly overwhelmed by being a single dad to the biggest douchebag imaginable. In the wake of some peculiar circumstances, though, it seems like Williams will be able to get everything he wants out of life.
VERDICT: This is a shockingly dark and grim comedy. Writer-director Bobcat Goldthwait does find some tenderness where you don't think it's possible, and the reviews are right on: it's Williams' best role in years. This is not for the faint of heart, so I wouldn't recommend it unless you really enjoyed the trailer.
"Extract"
RUNDOWN: Mike Judge follows up his hugely popular "Office Space" and cult hit "Idiocracy" with a tale of a small business owner (Jason Bateman) trying to juggle a lawsuit, cheating wife, and con-artist employee. Kristen Wiig, Mila Kunis, and Ben Affleck are all fun to watch in supporting roles.
VERDICT: Like Judge's other works, it's unconventional, but has quality laughs throughout. It's definitely worth checking out when it's released on DVD next week.
"Zombieland"
RUNDOWN: The zombie apocalypse has happened. Only loners like Jesse Eisenberg and sociopaths like Woody Harrelson survive, as well as con artists like Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin. Undead hilarity abounds.
VERDICT: Great comedy that doesn't overstay its welcome. Worth a look if you're into the broad genre of "zombie comedy". IHYFM review here.
"The Invention of Lying"
RUNDOWN: Ricky Gervais lives in a world where people can only say the brutal truth and nobody has ever uttered a lie. When Gervais learns he has the ability to say things that aren't true, he quickly turns his life around, but the movie takes an unexpected turn when he invents religion.
VERDICT: An all-star cast is fun to watch, but the movie drags a bit, especially during several over-long montages. As far as Gervais material goes, you're probably better off with "The Office" or "Extras".
"A Serious Man"
RUNDOWN: A physics professor is getting a divorce, probably not getting tenured, and his neighbor won't stop mowing part of his lawn. It's the story of Job in yesteryear Minnesota, and it's a pretty damned funny.
VERDICT: The Coen Brothers have been on a hot streak for the last few years, this is no exception. If you're a fan of their work, definitely check it out. IHYFM review here.
"2012"
RUNDOWN: Shit gets fucked on a global scale. John Cusack (spoiler!) survives.
VERDICT: Fuck watching shit get fucked. IHYFM review here.
"The Road"
RUNDOWN: The end of the world has come, and a Man and his son, the Boy, are trying to make their way down the eastern coast for a warmer winter. What they encounter is even more horrific than the cast of "Jersey Shore".
VERDICT: Only see it if you loved the book by Cormac McCarthy or were really juiced to see people scrounge canned goods and avoid cannibals for two hours. IHYFM review here.
"Bad Lieutenant"
RUNDOWN: Nic Cage pulls a "House" and gets addicted to pain pills and worse in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. He loses his mind during a homicide investigation, and sees iguanas and break-dancing souls.
VERDICT: In his retelling of Abel Ferrara's film, Werner Herzog rips himself off, according to my buddy that really knows Werner Herzog. The parts he ripped himself off were my three favorite minutes of the movie, which will be on Youtube in about two months anyway. Pass.
2009 MOVIES STILL ON MY RADAR:
"CRANK 2": Jason Statham reprises his role as an ass-kicking assassin with a short shelf life. The original, although silly, was a lot of fun to watch, and the reviews indicate the sequel delivers more of the same.
"TYSON": A well-reviewed documentary about boxing's oddest personality is said to be fascinatingly insightful.
"AWAY WE GO": A young couple tries to figure out where to plant their roots when they're expecting. The consensus on the Vendela Vida-Dave Eggers story is that although it's a bit slow, John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph are fun to watch playing with a cast of comedy all-stars.
"COLD SOULS": Paul Giamatti plays Paul Giamatti in a Charlie Kaufman-esqe comedy about a company that extracts and freezes souls.
"IT MIGHT GET LOUD": A documentary about guitars stars U2's The Edge, Jimmy Page, and The White Stripe's Jack White.
"THE BAADER MEINHOF COMPLEX": A German film about the infamous terrorist organization of the 1970's is supposed to deliver the goods. The guy from "Run Lola Run" stars.
"BIG FAN": Comedian Patton Oswalt is said to shine in Robert Siegel's dark comedy about a sports fan that loves the home team so much he won't prosecute when he's assaulted by one of the star players. This was such a limited release it was in Chicago for one night.
"THE INFORMANT!": Matt Damon stars in the Steven Soderbergh vehicle about the true story of one of the biggest corporate whistleblowers in history - a hilarious yarn about price-fixing corn.
"CAPITALISM: A LOVE STORY": I was too busy with school to catch Michael Moore's latest populist critique that zeroes in on those responsible for the financial meltdown. Like his other works, I've heard despite its "Michael Moore" faults, it is still an infuriating look at things that are seriously wrong in this country.
"THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX": Wes Anderson's adaptation of Roald Dahl's story reminds us that animation doesn't have to be computerized.
"UP IN THE AIR": Jason Reitman struck gold with his first two films, "Thank You For Smoking" and "Juno", so this tale of George Clooney taking a hard look at his constantly-on-the-road lifestyle shouldn't be any different.
"SHERLOCK HOLMES": Normally, I'd scoff at a movie that completely warps iconic source material, but the combination of Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law and trailers that suggest Guy Ritchie has made a non-shitty movie for the first time in almost a decade have me excited for what looks to be a good popcorn romp.
"AVATAR": I will likely force myself to see it so you don't have to. Happy Holidays, my dear readers.
I have long said that without Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, I would not have been able to keep my sanity from the 2000 Presidential elections to, well, now.
That is the power of political and social satire - aside from illuminating absurdity and hypocrisy of our society and political leaders, satire helps us cope with things we ultimately do not have much luck of changing.
Case in point - the Iraq war. In the run-up to invasion in 2003, it seemed pretty clear that the presence of "WMDs" was highly questionable, the imminent threat of Iraq to the rest of the world was negligible, and the link between Iraq, Saddam, and the New York terrorist attacks was non-existent. Yet, due to fear-mongering and the "you're with us or against us" mentality, we were all dragged inexorably into a conflict without clear goals, without a plan for success, and with a blank check.
Stepping up to the satire plate is British helmer Armando Iannucci, whose credits "Daily Show" forerunner "The Day Today", and the series "The Thick of It", which served as a blueprint for "In The Loop".
The film begins in London, where government employees are growing increasingly nervous about the US hinting at the invasion of an unnamed Middle Eastern nation. The bumbling minister for international development, Simon Foster (Tom Hollander, the British villain from the two "Pirates" sequels), makes a seemingly innocuous comment about the "war on preventable diseases" during a radio interview. The reporter takes the quote out of context, and then asks his opinion of the possible US military intervention, to which Foster replies that personally, he believes war is "unforeseeable".
This is not the official British stance on the US war, which is basically to wait and see what the US ultimately decides. On damage control is Malcolm Tucker (Peter Capaldi, reprising his role from "The Thick of It"), the Minister's Director of Communications, who tries to manage the growing political storm as best he can with his best weapon - a delightfully creative foul mouth.
Foster can't keep his mouth shut, and Tucker can't keep up with the snowballing push for war. Caught in the mix are British and American diplomats, James Gandolfini as an armchair general, and all their ladder-climbing assistants. Everyone is too ambitious to step back from a confrontation, too stupid for their own good, and too cowardly to take a stand. Minutes from committee meetings are editable as a record of what was intended to be said, military intelligence can be modified as necessary, and war is neither inevitable nor ...evitable. The implications are as hilarious as they are horrifying.
"In The Loop" packs a lot into an hour and forty minutes, and for viewers able to keep up with the pace and track of the characters, it is a vulgar, hysterical, infuriating tale about our government, where, according to the puzzling words of the Assistant Secretary of State, "in the land of truth, the man with one fact is king".
TOO MUCH: The film was edited from a 4-hour cut made from a shooting script almost 250 pages long. There's no fat to be found.
COULD HAVE USED MORE: I would have loved a few more insults from Malcolm. I can't wait for the opportunity to threaten someone with shoving so much cotton roll down their throats that it comes out their ass like they're a fucking Playboy bunny.
FILM SNOB NOTE: Consultants were brought in to make sure the cursing was vulgar and creative enough for the film. A 2006 pilot for an American spin-off of "The Thick of It" was a disaster, but there are currently rumors of HBO bringing Iannucci stateside for a second shot at adaptation. Rottentomatoes.com collected 95% positive reviews for "In The Loop" - and it's box office gross in the US was $2.2 million. In comparison, "Old Dogs" has 5% positive reviews, and has earned over $33 million domestically. Steve Coogan has too much fun improvising in a minor role as one of Foster's constituents.
IHYFM RATING: FIVE out of FIVE MEHS. This is a wildly clever and consistently funny comedy that is a must-see when it comes out on DVD in the US this January.
IF YOU SAID THIS WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE, I'D THINK: You're my kind of film, comedy, and satire snob.
As avid readers may recall, my inaugural post discussed the merits of my taste. Four years of critical film studies molded an already discerning eye for quality entertainment. I can tell you why "Zodiac" is one of the most under-appreciated films of the past decade, and likewise why "Crash" was horrendously overrated (offense #1 - Don Cheadle says the word "crash" in the first fucking line of the movie).
The plot is simple, to the point of almost being non-existent. Divorcee Mary "She's Married to Ted Danson!" Steenburgen and widower Richard "He's the Gym Manager in Burn After Reading!" Jenkins fall for each other and have a horrifying trait in common - they both have unemployed 40-year-old sons that live at home. True to producer Judd Apatow's typical fare, these are not your typical unemployed men. These are men-children in the most basic sense of the term. They look 40, they act 12. After their parents try to get them to grow up by forcing them out of the house and into the workforce, it's like watching toddlers dress up in daddy's shoes. It's not convincing, but it's cute. Aside from cute, it's also ridiculously absurd. Take, for one of many, many examples, a scene just after Ferrell and Reilly realize that instead of enemies, they are best friends:
This is the basic flow of the entire movie - a one-note joke that hovers just above the line of utter stupidity when it's not exploring its depths. The plot is so loose that on one DVD edition there are almost 20 minutes of deleted scenes; knowing Adam McKay's free-wheeling style of directing and Will Ferrell and John C Reilly's propensity to improvise on set, I would wager there was enough extra footage to make another entire film.
It's plotless. It's inane. And, I have to admit, I think it's pretty damned hilarious.
To make this affectation all the more puzzling, I don't really care for the other Adam McKay films "Anchorman" and "Talladega Nights". Although I rather enjoyed him as a cast member on SNL, most Will Ferrell movies have left me cold, the only exceptions being "Elf" and the slightly uneven "Stranger Than Fiction".
After a great deal of reflection, the best conclusion I can come to is that the movie hinges on John C Reilly's ability to play naive and innocent. Will Ferrell also plays the dumb man-child that doesn't know any better, but he does it with an underlying hint of brat that is at times put-offish. Watch the bunk bed scene again, and really soak in how pure and stupid Reilly is. I'll even embed it for you again.
Reilly nails the Tom-Hanks-in-"Big"/boy-in-a-man's-body gag, which makes watching him sleep walk, get intimidated by the neighborhood bullies, and get laid for the first time all the more enjoyable. I would go into more detail of Ferrell and Reilly's exploits, but to do so would ruin the viewing experience, inasmuch the movie is little more than a series of loosely connected vignettes.
This movie is strange. This movie is asinine. This movie makes me laugh.
TOO MUCH: In a movie filled with non-sequitur gags, this category is kind of moot.
COULD HAVE USED MORE: This one is too. The "best friends" montage (to Hall and Oates' catchy "You Make My Dreams") and "growing up" montage are just the right length.
FILM SNOB NOTE: I was pleasantly surprised to see Adam Scott in a hilarious role as Ferrell's overachieving younger brother. I met him when he was on an audition right after his break on "The Aviator", and I was impressed by how personable and humble he was, and had no idea he had such great chops for comedy. His first scene in the movie, where his family performs an a capella rendition of "Sweet Child of Mine", is hysterical. Several sequences of the film might as well be titled "Spot the Alums of Famous Sketch Troupes", including helmer Adam McKay. Before "I'm On A Boat", there was "Boats 'N' Hoes". Ferrell's Italian in his Andrea Bocelli cover is complete gibberish. Prosthetic balls aren't cheap.
IHYFM RATING: THREE AND A HALF out of FIVE MEHS. I can't say this is a must-see, but if you like comedies and laughed at the above clip, you might like it.
IF YOU SAID THIS WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE, I'D THINK: We should do our taxes together with our Chewbacca masks, even if they're not movie-quality.
Lately, I've had several in-depth discussions with a group of friends regarding the inevitable zombie apocalypse and how we'll survive it in style. I won't go into the details, both because this isn't another review of "Zombieland", and also because I don't want any opportunists beating us to the punch in Chicagoland in securing transportation, provisions, weapons, shelter, and BASE jumping equipment.
The truth behind these (mostly) whimsical discussions is, however, that if there is some widespread calamity that disrupts our nation's ability to manufacture or import foodstuffs and basic clothing and medical supplies, survival will quickly become a luxury for only the most hardened, ruthless, and lucky of us.
This is the world that "No Country for Old Men" author Cormac McCarthy penned "The Road", an apocalyptic love-song he dedicated to his son. The novel, which was adapted almost verbatim for the big screen, is the story of a man and his son traversing a devastated American northeast in the hopes of reaching the coast and eventually the south to survive the winter. The novel's formatting on the page is stripped and simple - few apostrophes and no quotation marks grace the pages of simple sentences and short paragraphs. The writing emphasizes how bleak the world has become after an unnamed disaster. It makes for an easy transition to the silver screen, where Viggo Mortensen does his best to escort Kodi Smit-McPhee through a barren countryside where canned goods are sparse and roaming bands of cannibals sift through the ash looking for survivors too weak or ill-equipped to defend themselves.
Not much more can be said about the specifics of the plot, as that is about all there is to "The Road". What is at the core is the emotional struggle of a man trying to protect his son and remain one of the "good guys". Can you remain a good guy while denying others a can of your provisions so your son has one more meal a week from now? If you were surrounded by cannibals, could you use your last bullet to make sure your son didn't suffer? I write this as a single man in his mid-20's. The reading and viewing experience had my paternal instincts running so high my blood boiled and eyes grew misty.
The emotional toll of "The Road" doesn't entirely make up for the stripped-down narrative, which is essentially "man and boy walk, eat, walk". While this does occasionally work in the film's favor, especially in an early scene when Mortensen wakes from bed, looks out the window to an unseen horror, and immediately starts filling the bathtub with water, at the end of the film we're not left with much to reflect on beyond our own emotional turmoil.
As is the style with McCarthy, we're left to ponder what to make of everything that happened over the past two hours (recall the often-mocked ending to "No Country For Old Men"?). A line from early in the book and film sums it up, when The Man is looking at The Boy: "If he is not the word of God, then God never spoke."
Life, no matter how grim, and even born out of tragedy, is miraculous.
TOO MUCH: Gray. There has to be other colors in the apocalypse, right? Heart-wrenching music - Slate columnist Dana Stevens nailed it in her review. Viggo Mortensen's ass and ball sac.
COULD HAVE USED MORE: Not much - basically everything in the book is in the film.
FILM SNOB NOTE: Robert Duvall basically unrecognizable - I didn't know he was in the film and thought the Old Man sounded an awful lot like Duvall. Everything that "2012" did wrong, which was a lot, "The Road" got right - watching the apocalypse happen isn't interesting, but the aftermath is. Charlize Theron and Guy Pearce make the most out of small roles, Viggo turns in another great screen performance. Most of the end credits roll with the sounds of suburbia instead of music, for an eerie reminder of all we take for granted.
IHYFM RATING: THREE AND A HALF out of FIVE MEHS. I can't deny the emotional power of the father-son relationship and visceral horrors on screen, but as a movie "The Road" leaves you wishing there was a little more to it. "No Country For Old Men" is a far better bet so far as McCarthy adaptations go.
IF YOU SAID THIS WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE, I'D THINK: When the apocalypse comes, I'm going to mooch a few of your stockpiled canned goods.
Following the immense success of directorial efforts "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" and "Knocked Up", Judd Apatow made a movie about how gorgeous his wife Leslie Mann is and how adorable their daughters are, and nobody came.
The movie was packed with stars - de facto everyman Seth Rogen, "Punch Drunk Love" drama veteran Adam Sandler, sidekicks Jonah Hill ("Superbad") and Jason Schwartzman ("Rushmore"), and self-reflexive cameos from the comedic likes of Ray Romano, Dave Attell, Norm MacDonald, Aziz Ansari, Sarah Silverman, Carol Leifer, Al Lubel, Andy Dick, Paul Reiser, and even James Taylor and Eminem. The movie came from Judd Apatow, who since "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" has had his hand in basically every comedy to come out of Hollywood. The story was supposed to be about a young comic finding his voice by helping a seasoned superstar face his mortality. On paper, it seems like a sure thing.
Now first, let me clarify: I am a sucker for stand up comedy, and anything about stand up. I absolutely loved the documentary "The Comedians of Comedy", which followed Patton Oswalt, Zach Galifianakis, Brian Posehn, and Maria Bamford on a short West Coast tour doing comedy in small rock clubs. Aside from small parts of their sets on the road, there is a great deal of discourse about how a comic develops and the different brands of comedy. I similarly am an avid listener to the Comedy Death-Ray Radio podcast, where basically anyone in comedy, be they Mr. Show alum, Upright Citizen's Brigade players, or former members of The State, come on and wax philosophical with host (and Mr. Show alum/Comedy Death-Ray co-founder) Scott Aukerman. A movie about comics working on their comedy is right up my alley. In the words of comic songwriting duo Hard 'N Phirm (Chris Hardwick and Mike Phirman), I am a comedy nerd. When I first saw the give-away-the-whole-movie-trailer, I was excited.
Then came the reviews. The phrases "most personal film" and "unfocused" popped up time and time again. A movie about struggling comics and actors getting help from a seasoned veteran would have been great. A movie about a lonely superstar coming to terms with his life and lost opportunities would likewise have been great. Kind of mix the two together, though, and you end up with a movie that's... well, unfocused and personal.
Adam Sandler plays an aging superstar that has a rare form of leukemia. Trying to find his roots, he stops at an old stand up haunt and gives a grim monologue. Struggling comic Seth Rogen tries to follow the act as best he can, and scraps together a few laughs at Sandler's expense. Inexplicably, Sandler decides to hire Rogen to write some material for him. Rogen then has to juggle Sandler's mood swings and his roommates, the jealous Jonah Hill and ego maniacal Jason Schwartzman. Shit hits the fan when Sandler recovers and decides to chase after his ex Leslie Mann, who is married to Eric Bana who miraculously fathered Judd Apatow's daughters.
So, basically, it's everything you saw in the trailer, except some of the funnier jokes from the trailer inexplicably are absent from the finished film (no Sandler bits about sex with girlfriends or Rogen's "my face is circumcised"). Had the film been focused on either the "struggling comics and actors" plot or the "lonely superstar facing his mortality" story, we would have had ourselves a tight comedy or dramedy, but mixing the two makes for an uneven tale that's only intermittently amusing.
It's not to say "Funny People" is completely devoid of value or insight, however. Buried underneath the loose editing and writing (even for an Apatow movie) there are some pearls, such as the aforementioned foul-mouthed cameo of one Mr. Marshall Mathers at a party of stars after Sandler's recovery:
We're not always so lucky to get second chances. The underlying message that Apatow seems to be driving at is that when we do, we can't change the past, but we need to learn from previous failures so we have a chance at getting it right the next time around. Had "Funny People" been an hour shorter, that message may have come across more clearly and humorously. As a comedy fan, I can only hope that Apatow learns from these shortcomings and gets his next project right.
TOO MUCH: Leslie Mann subplot, being able to see Seth Rogen's weight fluctuate from scene to scene
COULD HAVE USED MORE: good jokes from the trailer, better editing choices, comedians talking about comedy, an hour less of run time
FILM SNOB NOTE: Seth Rogen wearing an Upright Citizen's Brigade tee in one of the earlier scenes at Sandler's mansion is not a fluke. The UCB has been the birthing place and playground for the best comedians in show business for over a decade.
IHYFM RATING: TWO AND A HALF out of FIVE MEHS.
IF YOU SAID THIS WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE, I'D THINK: A funny person, you are not.
It was the highest-grossing film debut for a non-sequel, non-adaptation ever worldwide. My dollars were not included in that gross, but seeing as it's at the very least a temporary cultural phenomenon, and sure to be a source of anxiety for an arbitrary date three years from now, I had to bite the bullet.
I choked back bile and tears last night as I approached the ticket booth and uttered the phrase, "one for 2012, please".
Sitting in a half-full theater on a Monday night, I pulled out a trusty Moleskine notebook (it's what Hemingway used!), and I settled my ass into a seat and braced myself for two hours and thirty-eight minutes of a movie I'd more or less already seen in its entirety. If you would also like to see the movie more or less in its entirety, watch the 4th trailer here, which due to restrictions I can't embed. My favorite part of the trailer is the phrase, "ONE DATE WILL UNITE US ALL", which you could answer with either "Independence Day", "The Day After Tomorrow", or "10,000 BC" all of which were previous efforts from "2012" director Roland Emmerich.
Comedian Chris Hardwick once told a story about updating his Twitter followers that he was about to meet Michael Bay, and they should send him any questions they had for the director. One follower responded with something to the effect of, "ask him if, as a child, he was molested by an explosion". The same could be said for Emmerich, if you merely replaced the word "explosion" with "imploding landmark". The man has a flair, if not outright fetish, for the destruction of recognizable buildings and the near-extinction of mankind.
Sony head of distribution, Rory Bruer, was quoted after the record-breaking weekend as saying, "Roland is that type of filmmaker that casts his net really wide. The story is something people could really relate to. It's the story of the survival of humanity." Yup, watching that trailer, that's just a day at the office for all of us rank and file folks, isn't it?
The inevitable tug at the "humanity of us all" heartstrings in "2012", as well as the rest of Emmerich's work, does not delve beyond, or perhaps even as deep, as the famous footage from Lakehurst, NJ in 1937.
Emmerich gets us in the gut not because we have any attachment to his characters, but because we are rubbernecking and thinking, "that is horrible - I'm glad that's not me". In the escape from LA in "2012", Emmerich even goes so far as to evoke the terrorist attacks of 2001 as people fall helplessly from crumbling buildings, and all our heroes, and we, can do is watch and be thankful we're either safe in the plane or in the theater.
Who ultimately lives and dies in the worlds of Emmerich depends on whether you're a child (preferably American) or thin and attractive A-list actor. It has nothing to do with chance, or morality, or realistic probability, for that matter, so any so-called lessons we can take from these movies end at "the best way to survive the apocalypse is to be the star in a movie about the apocalypse". Also, there's the inevitable George Costanzaism, "You know, we're living in a society! We're supposed to act in a civilized way!"
"2012" follows John Cusack, a struggling novelist and struggling divorced dad. After scientists look at some sun flares and the Mona Lisa is put in a big box, Cusack takes his kids camping in Yellowstone, where a lake has disappeared and the military is guarding the void. Conspiracy theorist and AM radio host Woody Harrelson explains that when the Mayan calendar restarts (YES PEOPLE, it doesn't END 12-21-2012, it RESTARTS)* the Earth will more or less implode.
Do you think Woody is right or wrong about the end of the world, in context of the movie? Pause this blog, and write down your answer now.
Cusack takes his kids back to divorced wife Amanda Peet and her new husband, Plastic Surgeon/Amateur Pilot Guy That Looks Vaguely Like Anthony Edwards (Thomas McCarthy) just as Cusack needs to report to work as a limo driver and pick up Russian Tycoon's Fat Twins and take them to the airport.
The pavement is slowly cracking up everywhere. I wonder if something is wrong?
The Governor of California, who has an Austrian accent and is supposed to be a former actor (GET IT?), tells everyone via news conference that everything is fine. Cusack rents a plane, because he thinks everything is NOT fine, and rushes back to get his ex-wife and kids.
Guess what? Everything is NOT FINE! Shit is about to get wild!
Cusack and Co drive halfway across Los Angeles to the Santa Monica Airport. The entire way, the ground crumbles RIGHT BEHIND the limo's rear wheels. The limo dodges falling cars, chunks of building, and not only drives under an overpass JUST AS IT FALLS TO THE GROUND, it drives THROUGH A COLLAPSING BUILDING which stays stable just long enough for a limo to drive through it before crashing out the other side.
Are you starting to get a feel for what this movie is all about? It's about defying physics and gravity to just escape total annihilation over and over again. Like Jake Gyllenhaal outrunning the cold (really) in "Day After Tomorrow", "2012" is built around impossible escapes. After the limo ride through crumbling LA, there is not one, not two, but three impossible plane takeoffs as runways crumble beneath the gears, two entire flights amidst decomposing buildings, and one flight through an essential meteor shower. A cat has nine lives. I lost count, but I assure you, John Cusack has plenty more.
I could go into more detail about the plot and characters, but really, there's no point. It's just a bunch of cardboard cutouts that will predictably either survive or die, and the movie is over when the last few survive or die.
I will say this about "2012", though. I did feel that there was a common bond shared by everyone in the theater after watching over two and a half hours of the almost-end-of-times. As the end credits started to roll, the bond was palatable.
Everyone couldn't wait to get the fuck out of that theater.
TOO MUCH: escaping in just the nick of time, "plot"
COULD HAVE USED MORE: John Cusack holding a boom box over his head to woo Amanda Peet
FILM SNOB NOTE: Roland Emmerich, by my count, has destroyed Washington DC and Los Angeles three times apiece, New York twice, and San Francisco and Rio de Janeiro once apiece. Chicago wins.
IHYFM RATING: ONE AND A HALF out of FIVE MEHS. Hey, the CGI was impressive, even if it usually did serve to piss me off.
*For the record, the world is not going to end December 21st, 2012. It's going to end when Skynet becomes self-aware.
IHYFM BONUS: NOTES FROM THE SCREENING!
Below, please enjoy some of my Moleskine scribblings from my viewing of "2012".
- [during the trailer for "Invictus"] "of COURSE Morgan Freeman plays Nelson Mandela. Bet he just beat out Ice Cube for the role"
- "the movie just started and I have to pee. as little as I want to spend 2 hrs 38 min watching this movie, the less I want to spend 2 hrs 38 min risking bladder infection"
- "solar flares! yikes!"
- "see the Capitol Dome? Washington DC! see Big Ben? London! see Eiffel Tower? Paris!"
- "we're in San Francisco - will the Golden Gate survive? Smart money says... yes!"
- "what happened to the lake? let's [military and government] tell the civilians EVERYTHING GOING ON!"
- "Woah! THEME! Do people act selflessly if they know they're fucked?"
- "Ominous music! Slow camera moves! People looking at the internet!"
- "the real Woody Harrelson wouldn't like pickles. He's a raw food guy."
- " 'There's something pulling us apart.' GROUND CRACKS. GET IT?"
- "GET IT? She's like Paris Hilton! GET IT? He's like Arnold Schwarzenegger!"
- "All of LA is swallowed by the Pacific, and we're supposed to be sad... why?"
- "I want the Prez to announce the world is over via Twitter."
- "The Washington Monument just got E.D."
- "Hey. Man just lost touch with God... LITERALLY!"
- "Part Titanic part Casablanca part Poseidon Adventure remake. About as good as Poseidon Adventure remake."
Yes. I am aware Groundhog Day is in February, and New Year's Eve/Day spans December and January. No need to be a wise-ass here, unless we're talking about "2012".
