Summer movie previews: action/adventure

Yes, readers, the summer movie season is already revving up, and if there's anything I like more in the summertime than grilling cholesterol-laden meats, blowing things up, and guaranteeing melanoma later in life, it's a summer blockbuster.

I have yet to read over the summer release schedule, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess only one of the summer offerings is definitely going to be worth checking out (cough cough THE ABOVE POSTER cough cough). Let's see*.

Robin Hood

RELEASE DATE: in theaters

SYNOPSIS: Gladiator star Russell Crowe and director Ridley Scott team up to remake Gladiator, only this time he's in the woods instead of the Coliseum and armed with a bow and arrow instead a sword and slave labor.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: As much as I respect the body of work Ridley Scott has amassed over the past few decades, the trailer for Robin Hood didn't inspire a whole lot of confidence. Similarly, the mediocre critical response indicates Robin Hood suffers from the same lack of compelling storytelling that dragged Scott's Kingdom of Heaven down. Pass.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

RELEASE DATE: May 28th

SYNOPSIS: Jake Gyllenhaal possesses a dagger that can take whomever holds it back through time. Ben Kingsley is a bad guy. Alfred Molina once again appears in a film that is likely not worthy of his talent. I'd say the same for Sir Kingsley but he was in The Love Guru. Unforgivable.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: Movies based off of videogames have a great track record, right? Even though the trailer made one of my nerdier buddies wet his pants with excitement (possibly literally), I'm thinking this will be a pass.

Splice

RELEASE DATE: June 4th

SYNOPSIS: Adrian Brody and Sarah Polley are scientists who blend their own DNA with animal specimens, creating something that looks like an alien from Alien mated with one of the precogs from Minority Report. Hilarity, apparently, does not ensue.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: I love a good horror movie, but so far the trailer hasn't sold me entirely - the concept isn't terrible but it looks like the execution could go either way. Wait for the reviews unless you're already geeked up.

The A-Team

RELEASE DATE: June 11th

SYNOPSIS: A crack squad of military elite are framed for a crime they didn't commit. It's kind of like a television show most of you are not old enough to remember. Pity.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: So long as director Jon Carnahan approaches the material with the appropriate level of chagrin, this could be a decent throw-away action flick. Liam Neeson and Bradley Cooper, along with District 9's Sharlto Copley will likely make up for cage fighter Quinton Jackson's lack of dramatic training. If the reviews are decent, might as well check it out. For the record, though, I enjoyed the helicopter snag scene from the trailer a lot more when it was in The Dark Knight.

Jonah Hex

RELEASE DATE: June 18th

SYNOPSIS: The grizzled Old West bounty hunter from DC Comics takes to the big screen.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: If I hadn't read about this in The AV Club's guide to summer movies, this would have completely passed me by. Despite Josh Brolin in the lead role, likely playing a far grittier version of Llewelyn Moss from No Country For Old Men, I'm going to hold out for critical reception on this one too. Comic book and graphic novel adaptations have a track record only slightly better than videogame adaptations or Dolph Lundgren vehicles.

Twilight: Eclipse

RELEASE DATE: June 30th

SYNOPSIS: Vampires and werewolves and shit.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: [sigh].

The Last Airbender

RELEASE DATE: July 2nd

SYNOPSIS: A young boy finds he is the key to end a world-wide war. No, his name is not Winston Churchill.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: I wouldn't hesitate to recommend a film based off of a popular martial arts cartoon to anyone that was a fan, but they key element here is one Mr. M Night Shyamalan, who has defied all logic and extended his career about three films longer than he was entitled. Be very, very wary. Anyone who thinks otherwise, I dare you to defend The Happening.

Predators

RELEASE DATE: July 9th

SYNOPSIS: A reboot/re-imagining of the original pits Adrian Brody, Lawrence Fishburne, and Danny Trejo against some nasty aliens that are scarier than Javier Bardem.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: Prequels and retellings are a mixed bag. So far as pure action thrills, though, the shot of Brody getting lit up by laser sites at the end of the trailer, not to mention that Robert Rodriguez produced the film, makes me think Predators will be worth a look.

Inception

RELEASE DATE: July 16th

SYNOPSIS: Leonardo DiCaprio steals secrets from people's dreams in the latest offering from Christopher Nolan.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: Even Christopher Nolan's weakest films (in my opinion, Insomnia and The Prestige) are far more entertaining than the average Hollywood offering. Inception stars Scorcese's go-to man, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Page, Marion Cotillard, and Ken Watanabe, and the film promises to be a mindbender in every sense of the word. We may be looking at not only one of the best movies of the summer, but possibly one of the best of the year.

Salt

RELEASE DATE: July 23rd

SYNOPSIS: Angelina Jolie is not a spy! She may actually be a spy! But she may not be! Who cares, she has sexy black hair!

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: Salt seems like a not-as-clever spin on the Bourne franchise. I suppose it could be a fun flick, though, with Jolie in a badass action role. After all, Wanted was good, right? Wait, what? Wanted kind of blew? Oh. Right.

The Expendables

RELEASE DATE: August 13th

SYNOPSIS: Every action star to grace the silver screen for the past thirty-odd years said, "fuck it, let's all make a movie together."

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: Sylvester Stallone has had quite the interesting decade, especially with his continued pursuance of his Edgar Allen Poe biopic, and The Expendables continues his run of showing a) Stallone still wants to be in movies, and b) he has a sense of humor about himself. This could be ridiculous fun - personally, though, I'm going to wait for the critical consensus.

Scott Pilgrim Versus The World

RELEASE DATE: August 13th

SYNOPSIS: Michael Cera's new girlfriend has seven ex-boyfriends that apparently leaped from the screens of Street Fighter. He has to fight and defeat them even though he'd be more at home trapped in a game of Rock Band than Mortal Kombat.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: Comic book adaptations are hit and miss at the box office, especially ones that aren't universally known like Batman or The X Men. I would be skeptical of Scott Pilgrim, except it's directed by Edgar Wright. Perhaps you've heard of a few little satires he directed, titled Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz? I'll check it out.

Piranha 3D

RELEASE DATE: August 28th

SYNOPSIS: Joe Dante's 1978 Jaws knockoff gets a reboot, because, dammit, 3D blue cats are fine, but wouldn't we rather see them devoured by swarms of toothy fish?

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: Piranha 3D will likely be this year's Snakes on a Plane. I hope it proves me wrong and actually delivers on the b-horror movie thrills like last year's superbly entertaining Drag Me To Hell.

THESE MOVIES WILL ALL BE THE EXACT FUCKING SAME

TITLES: The Bounty Hunter, Killers, Knight and Day

RELEASE DATES: March 19th, June 4th, June 25th

SYNOPSIS: He's a charming killer! She's kind of awkward! Will love triumph?

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: Did you see Mr. and Mrs. Smith? No need to see it three more times with Gerard Butler, Ashton Kutcher, Tom Cruise, and Jennifer Aniston, Katherine Heigl, and Cameron Diaz, right? That's what I thought.

Coming soon: family flicks that I would be inevitably dragged to this summer if I had children. I have a feeling fatherhood and film snobbery will not make the best bedfellows when fatherhood comes to pass.

*Okay, two: I'll definitely see Scott Pilgrim too.

Summer movie previews: comedies

The summer movie season is officially upon us, folks. It's been a dry couple of months at the cinema, but thankfully we'll be able to avoid the increasingly nice weather by escaping into the theaters for some decent entertainment.

Since I love a good comedy, and despise a bad one, let's take a look at some titles to check out and others to avoid this summer.

MacGruber

RELEASE DATE: May 21st

SYNOPSIS: Will Forte brings his SNL character, a hapless handyman/adventurer, to the big screen. The always-funny Kristen Wiig costars with Ryan Phillippe and Val Kilmer. Jorma Taccone, best known as the copy-flipping member of The Lonley Island, directs.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: Hollywood adaptations of SNL skits do not have a great track record, so when I first heard of MacGruber I was skeptical. However, early reviews from SXSW and on RT and Metacritic, combined with several funny trailers, suggest that getting MacGruber out of those perpetually-locked control rooms makes for some good action-comedy. I'm a sucker for Kristen Wiig and can't help but giggle at Forte's boyish naiveté, so I'm hoping MacGruber delivers laughs as big as this sequence of skits wherein MacGruber tries to come to terms with his unapologetic racism.

Sex and the City 2

RELEASE DATE: May 28th

SYNOPSIS: Everyone's favorite alcohol-swilling, shoe-buying, sex-having ladies since Desperate Housewives and Cougartown return for more alcohol, shoes, and sex, this time in Abu Dhabi, which is looking to ban the film from playing within its borders, and wouldn't even allow it to be filmed there - it was shot in Morocco.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: As you may have guessed from my incorrect timeline of television airings, I'm not a huge Sex and the City guy. If you were into the series, the first film, or have a promising date with someone that is, I guess check it out. I'll probably stay home and watch Swingers instead.

Get Him to the Greek

RELEASE DATE: June 4th

SYNOPSIS: Aldous Snow, the lothario Russell Brand portrayed in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, is hired for a 10 year anniversary show in the Greek Theater in LA. Jonah Hill is dispatched to pick him up and get him there. It's not easy.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: Look no further than the un-embeddable red-band trailer for proof that this could be one of the best comedies of the year. Definitely worth checking out.

Cyrus

RELEASE DATE: June 18th

SYNOPSIS: John C. Reilly's life is falling apart when ex-wife Catherine Keener gets engaged to Matt Walsh, but he meets single-mother Marissa Tomei and everything seems to be going his way. Except Tomei's son, Jonah Hill (remember him?) is not on board with the new relationship.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: It's a solid cast of funny actors, and so long as Cyrus doesn't get as shapeless as other Official Sundance Selections have been, it could be a potent dark comedy in the vein of last year's bleak but funny World's Greatest Dad.

Grown Ups

RELEASE DATE: June 25th

SYNOPSIS: Old dudes Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, Kevin James, Chris Rock, and David Spade reunite the old high school basketball team for a weekend of high-jinks and fat guy jokes.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: There are some very funny grown ups in the cast of this flick. I'd like to think Kevin James is capable of more than 'big dude fall down', but I'm going to go out on a limb and say this isn't the picture to prove it. Also, the voice over guy that does the voice over for the trailer seems to be the guy that does the voice overs for trailers of shitty movies. Pass.

Dinner for Schmucks

RELEASE DATE: July 23rd

SYNOPSIS: Paul Rudd plays the straight man to Steve Carell's goofball. In order to impress the company brass and secure a promotion, Rudd needs to bring a bizarre guest to a dinner for schmucks. Will he instead find true friendship? Something tells me... maybe.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: Sure, the premise is lacking in originality, but a cast that includes Rudd, Carell, and Zach Galifianakis is promising. Helmer Jay Roach (Meet the Parents) has a good track record too. I hope this turns out like Role Models instead of like I Love You, Man. I'll check it out, but you should wait for the reviews if you're not a fan of either the leading men.

The Other Guys

RELEASE DATE: August 6th

SYNOPSIS: Adam McKay and Will Ferrell team up once again, this time to turn the buddy-cop genre on its head. Mark Wahlberg costars, along with Michael Keaton and Steve Coogan.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: Adam McKay's pictures are hit and miss for me. While no picture could quite do to the genre what Hot Fuzz accomplished, the trailer for The Other Guys looks promising enough. Might as well mark your calendars.

The Switch

RELEASE DATE: August 20th

SYNOPSIS: Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston are a Harry and Sally, and through a mix up, Bateman accidentally artificially inseminates her. Seven years later, she starts to put it together.

IHYFM RECOMMENDATION: The trailer reads like a sappier version of Knocked Up with a splash of About a Boy. Probably a pass unless the reviews are rock-solid, which, sadly for Bateman, I'm guessing they won't be.

Is there essential summer comedy viewing I left out? Mention it in the comments.

Unless, of course, it's Marmaduke, in which case, just check this out.

An arbitrary achievement!

As I planned this week's articles (summer movie previews and a quick rundown of stuff I've seen recently), I noticed that with the previous musing on the imminent Battleship disaster, I Hate Your Favorite Movie passed the benchmark of fifty total posts.

I've had a lot of fun these past months, from the inaugural too-lukewarm review of Inglourious Basterds, to the deconstruction of the already-forgotten megahit 2012. I thoroughly enjoyed one half of the Seth Rogen movies I saw in 2009. Some lousy movies made millions, and some great ones were hardly seen. I'm happy a friend found a reflection on Groundhog Day surprisingly poignant, and another one is amused to no end at how much I hate Avatar. We've looked at movies that deliver a visceral message artfully, and movies that artfully avoid saying anything.

You'll see a few changes to the site. I added a blogroll featuring major sites I follow for film news and critiques, as well as some verbal playgrounds of sharp associates of mine. I urge you to bookmark The Junior Varsity, which has been growing steadily and amassing quite the team of pop culture critics, and where I've been honored to have my work syndicated. If you read something you like, feel free to share it with your social networks with the AddThis bar I'll be encoding at the end of all future posts. Think I'm too verbose? Follow me on Twitter (@ihateyourfavmov) for snarkisms and mini-reviews in 140 characters or less.

Throughout this creative undertaking, my passion for film, and its ability to let me reflect on my own life and the world around me, has only grown. I can't say where the next fifty posts will lead, but I'd be honored if you take the journey with me.

Hollywood Is Out Of Ideas: "Battleship"

I'm sure, if you're as big a fan of movie-pictures as I am, you heard the shocking news that the beloved board game "Battleship" was optioned for the silver screen by Universal.

If you had not heard this news, I encourage you to collect your jaw from the floor and to lie down and raise your legs to avoid suffering a stroke.

"How could this be?" you may ask. The easy answer is that with the name recognition, no matter how awful this film turns out to be, Universal will easily break the $100 million mark in the domestic box office. People will see it because it's something familiar.

Anyone up for a trip to Coupon: The Movie this weekend?

Battleship will be directed by helmer (get it?) Peter Berg, whose credits include Hancock and the superb Friday Night Lights. Although it's already announced that the film adaptation will take self-serious action route, knowing the inner workings of Hollywood as I do, I'm sure there were a few options on the table. Universal, for the record, probably would have been best off leaving all of them there.

ADAPTATION 1

FORMULA: Action-thriller

SYNOPSIS: In these modern times with piracy a rampage on the high seas, a US destroyer is tasked with transporting an elite team of SEALs to turbulent waters so they can unleash hell. When the SEAL team embarks on a mission, though, the destroyer is captured by pirates, and the US Navy is dragged into a deadly game of cat-and-mouse. With nuclear weapons.

WHAT IT'S LIKE: Under Siege.

WHY IT WOULD FAIL: Familiar formula, accidentally racist undertones with Somali pirates, and a woefully miscast Jeffrey Tambor as a high admiral that's too funny to be taken seriously.

ADAPTATION 2

FORMULA: Family adventure/comedy

SYNOPSIS: A naval officer gets more than he bargained for when his ignored but computer-savvy son accidentally hacks into a new computer system that gives him control of the entire US naval fleet. Hilarity ensues!

WHAT IT'S LIKE: A weird combination of The Goonies, The Sandlot, and Kramer Versus Kramer.

WHY IT WOULD FAIL: Two words: Robin. Williams.

ADAPTATION 3

FORMULA: Period drama/adventure

SYNOPSIS: At the height of WWII, an inexperienced lieutenant is forced to take command of an aircraft carrier in the midst of a pivotal battle when all the other commanding officers are killed by a kamikaze pilot.

WHAT IT'S LIKE: Tries to be Band of Brothers, ends up being Pearl Harbor.

WHY IT WOULD FAIL: Over-reliance on CGI and Tobey Maguire's ability to make ridiculous dialogue sound non-ridiculous.

If Battleship's 2012 release date falls on the same weekend as the new Batman pic, we are all going to have some very, very difficult decisions to make.

Specifically, do we see the new Batman in IMAX or not. I vote for IMAX.

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